1-800-4KEIRAN

I am now officially the voice of Ithaca College. That's right, and if you call in the next ten minutes I'll throw in another voice for free.

9:00am
Started training for my new job. Handshakes and smiles apparently out of fashion. New method of introduction. Write a rap song about your name. Unfortunately, I'm not kidding. Had to rap it over the not-so-accomplished vocal beatboxing of the group. In the interest of continuing my embarrassment, full text reproduced below:

If you wanna know my stock
Take the metal from the lock
Gotta flee from the man
Then you get Keiran

9:13am
I recover from the introductions, which simultaneously revealed the inanity of the exercise and the complete inability of those present to recognize, let alone maintain, rhythm.

11:45am
Completed sit-down portion of the training. Went for four-hour lunch break.

3:58pm
Arrived for shadow shift, which to my surprise does not involve direct sunlight and miming skills.

4:49pm
Completed hands-on training.

Literally two seconds later
Fielded my first call. By which I mean eye-balled it, caught it, fumbled it, bounced it around, juggled it and eventually dropped it.

6:00pm
Feel confident enough to open my book. Phone rings constantly. No reading takes place.

7:15pm
Feel confident enough to let the other guy take a bathroom break. Nothing happens.

9:30pm
I've put people on hold, transferred them, relayed calendar events, forwarded, connected to answering machines, found phone numbers without a hitch. Decide to respond to blogs and write a post.

Periphery
The real number is (607) 274-3011.