Retreated

It's that time again. The steel band is about to head out for their annual lyme and retreat. This year they will return to the wonderful Villa Viento, where two years ago I was part of the group enjoying the lush grounds, cliffside waves and a pool so small that swimming the length merely required outstretched floating. Hoping to conjure up a sea-breeze whiff of nostalgia, I went to the resort page the lyme committee kindly provided.

Now, I had a fantastic time when I went. It was twenty or so of my friends, already a dysfunctional family, tucked into one of Jamaica's gorgeous pockets for a weekend. It was unforgettable, even, notwithstanding my notoriously porous memory. But I can categorically say, despite the liberation bestowed by a small quantity of tequila, that I do not remember any 'renal dietetics'!

When I think of renal dietetics, I think of a latex-gloved index finger and gritted teeth. Yes, there was that picture of me straddling a man in a hammock. Yes, we looked happy. But there was definitely nothing dietetic or renal about it. I straddled lots of people that weekend. Straddling all over the place. Girls too.

The site acknowledges smilingly that their 'kitchen staff [is fully] trained' in this unimaginable field. Well now! If the lovely maid leans over to serve dinner and wants dessert, there's always room for a little renal dietetics! However, the accompanying pictures of geriatric couples leads me to more disturbingly wrinkly visions.

Have a grand time, Panoridim. Wish I was there.

Periphery
re·nal di·e·tet·ics n
the study of food and nutrition and its relation to people’s health, with focus on the kidneys.

lyme n
a festive gathering, usually of inebriated Trinidadians and Jamaicans, where steel pan players forget pan for an evening by listening to pan music and hanging out with other pan players